my life is a roller coaster
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
8:40 PMtoo complicated, so i will only pray
8:26 PMi'm too tired of this shit.
feel free to use whatever means you prefer: Cancer, Car Accident, Gunshot, I don't care.
and I promise I will laugh at his funeral as my own way of pitying his miserable life.
ps. great job for making him the weakest thing i've ever seen in my entire life. that decision you made is what allowed him to develop such a horrible and pathetic personality in the first place. so i suppose it was partially your fault that he desires nothing but to hate, blame, hurt, fuck himself and everyone else around him up too.
pps. i will deal with you when i die, but for now, please take my glorious middle finger as a sign of my appreciation.
ppps. yes, sarcasm is my way of dealing with tough situations.
i wish i could fall in love
6:58 PMbut i think one of the main things that's preventing me from falling in love is my low confidence (in relation to my looks only, because i'm generally a pretty confident person). i'm very much a tomboy and i love being one! i, for one, can't stand putting on makeup, wearing dresses, fashioning all sorts of troublesome jewelery, worrying about something as stupid as the clothes you wear, or exposing my skin lol. i don't look good when i do those things anyway! although i've never been in love, i've been interested in people before. and those experiences have convinced me that most guys like girls that do those things that i've listed. sometimes i want to make myself more appealing but it never works out lol. and i don't many interesting characteristics either: i'm not all that fun to be around with, i'm not a funny girl, i don't have a lot close friends, i'm not cute or bubbly, i'm not photogenic and i don't have a nice smile, although i do smile a lot.
when i realize this, i would think how nice it would be to have a boyfriend of my own. he could simply say 'you're pretty' and i'll believe him and probably blush until my ears turn red. he could show me the world and all the interesting things in life, everything will be twice as fun and beautiful with him by my side. he could be my superhero and save me with a hug and a smile or he could hurt me to show me my faults and i'd fall for him even more. he could be my first for everything, i could give him everything: my kisses, my mistakes, my hugs, my tears, my dates, my anger, my love, my pain, my soul, my weirdness, my body, and me. he could give me himself and i'd accept all of it. and most importantly, we could give each other our time.
but reality is harsh because at some point, i figured it'd be a miracle for anyone to like someone like me. and so i became reluctant to fall in love. there's also the education factor: i'm a very academic person and i like to do well in school so that i can get a satisfying job when i grow up. i've lived a pretty poor life up until now and i want to change that, not only for myself, but for my family who has raised me and for the future people i'd meet and help. if i fall in love, it'll probably be really hard for me to focus on my studies. this is the second biggest factor that prevents me from falling in love with anyone.
although things look bleak now, i really hope i'll fall in love someday. it'll probably be unrequited love, but to be able to feel my heart pounding, my fingers trembling, my body shivering, and my mind daydreaming is enough for me. simple all the different and mysterious feelings i'll feel when i do fall in love will be enough for me. i guess here's where i'll end with a corny saying: "it's better to have loved and been hurt than never having loved at all."
just a GIRL living the life of a tomboy
Aliases: Rio, Princu, LilyBirthday: January 12
BG: Chinese Canadian
Job: Student + Artst
Dream Job: Doctor
More: Please Read Blog!
re: blog. what this blog is all about
i will treat this blog like an online diary, retelling my life experiences and expressing my thoughts about many things. i hope my writings are easy to relate to, as we are all humans. as humans, we live even though we know we will die. so before that day for me comes, i hope my stories will teach and inspire my readers. thanks for reading!
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